My lower heart chamber with newly added garland of electro zaps.
Well I did it. I had an ablation, which means that I let a very bright 34-year-old play a video game in my chest.
I required this procedure because there were some electrical impulses competing with my natural pacemaker causing an irregular heartbeat.
This situation is the making of a great video game. Rogue signal cause havoc in the body inducing coma-like symptoms, mechanical legs that march to a different drummer and personality alterations.
Probably the most devastating effect is the victim loses the ability to drink wine.
I arrived at the hospital with a jerky 46-year-old named Earl. He rambled into the parking lot in a broken down truck driven by his father who seemed unable to understand the concept of a valet. Earl ordered in his unplugged manner. “Just park the damn truck by that sign.”
Earl was in for the same procedure as I and was dancing around the lobby repeating, “I want a cup of coffee”(which neither of us were allowed) and making it impossible to stand in line behind him.
Somehow I managed to be checked in ahead of him probably because he found questions too baffling. When asked if he had an Advanced Health Care Directive, his answer was, “No, I have Medicare and Medicaid.”
Chances were good that he’ d be part of my world awhile. This was good because I got to meet his tattooed, cigarette breath girlfriend when we got to our adjacent rooms that really didn’t need walls because Earl could easily shout through them. We all deal with stress in our own way.
I was looking forward to Dr. Soloman, the anesthesiologist to arrive, once the nurse gave my pubic hair a mohawk. He would soon block out my whole world including Earl.
Next I was wheeled into mission control with whimsical blue sky and white clouds painted on the ceiling, I managed to insult my electro cardiologist by saying, “Boy you are short” I think Earl had rubbed off on me.
I was used to seeing her is stylish high heels and clothing. In scrubs, she looked short.
The next four hour, Dr. Dey zapped target points inside the lower chamber of my heart to build a fortress of scar tissue to trap the rogue signals coming from two different areas as had been suspected.
The surprise attack came from the upper chamber in the form of another signal. My brave heart warrior ventured into the next chamber and zapped a prison around that signal.
When she came to see me the next morning to send me home, she didn’t look small at all. She looked larger than life, maybe because I am confident that she has given me a larger life than I had been living recently.